Well, I have been spending quite some time thinking about what to do in LIFE and I was just wondering bout the consequences if this went for a very long long period. So, I decided to come up with 5 rock solid plans..
1. Creating Anil Kapoor sweaters : No, NO.. he is not the brand amabassador or fiat or Innova.. He is the raw material..:) Instead of using goat hair, We are going to use his chest hair to make sweaters.. For all those who are not aware of the extensive market research we have done....
People just keep crying for more than half the episode in all her serials. So we have come up with a small power generation plant which will be kept in every woman's mouth. (1 teer do nishaan). The power plant in their mouths will ensure that they shut the fuck up and spare the human kind of the drastic disaster. For the way they cry, we believe we can generate around 10% of India's total power requirement.
3. Teaching Indian women to drive / ride.
This is the most lucrative business. There are around 57 crore women in India of which 15 crore are said to have access to a vehicle. Our market research has shown that all driving classes have failed to teach the womankind to drive. So we thought we will approach the problem in the tried and tested MAHABHARAT way.(We tried to replicate something like.... Abhimanyu learning to fight when his Mom was pregnant listening to Lord Krishna talk bout fighting etc).
We got an Indian lady married to Michael Schumacher in a car. She spent the next 6 months in the car with him. She got pregnant. She spent the next 9 months when the car was in motion. Everybody around talked about 'How to drive a CAR' and then she gave birth to Mike's daughter. Mike spent the next 20 years teaching his daughter to drive. At 20, we gave Mike's daughter a chance to drive. Mike's daughter just couldn't "DRIVE THE CAR"..
4. Training Indian men to stop staring at certain things..
Folks, one look and an appreciative gesture is justified. You can't just keep staring.. I mean what do you expect from them, GROW IN SIZE?? It just looks embarassing and Indian men got to stop doing this..
5. Social networking for the Stupid folks.. : All u baays and gaals out there who waants to do fraandsheep and romiances with each other.. here's a dedicated platform for you to show the world how LAME you are..
So, I have been travelling a lot and I am awestruck by the Indian diverse culture. But there are certian things I would like to tell you folks that will help you improve a lot. This might look like Russel Peters humor.. No Pun Intended.. I love my country and I am as much a South Indian as I am a North Indian.
My recommendations to the people of India :
@Kandus : Don't act like u r all pissed bout the floating population.. The weather has made u all LAZY and you are so freakin STUPID that the MNCs have to go elsewhere to recruit people..
@Mallus : You got to work on your accent lola kutties. You can't say I am gonna watch 'Condom of Shailesh' with my girlfriend and expect some1 not to freak out, even if u meant 'Quantum of Solace'
@Tams : You got to let the guys and girls interact at a very young age. Your chicks are too horny.
@Gult (Andhra) : Biriyani is not the only thing in this world. Stop eating spicy food. Go to Gujarat.
@Gujjus : Don't add sugar to everything.. Eating sugar doesn't make u sweet. It makes u fat and ugly.. You should change ur motto. 'Roti khake Potty Jaao, Potty jaake Roti khao' can't be it. You can't live to eat. You gotta eat to live.
@Bihari: Itne bachche paida karo ki ghar ghar jaisa lage, itne nahin ki ghar gaanv jaisa lage...
@Maharashtrians : Don't act like some1 raped ur wife when he says Bombay instead of Mumbai.
@Rajjus : Don't act all juvenile when some1 spills water on the table and start licking it. We understand that you were 15 when you first saw water, but there's enuf water outside.
@Haryanvi: Raat ko WALK karne niklo yaar, RAPE karne nahin..
@Dilli : Your chicks need to start putting on some clothes and stop behaving like they were all born in Pahaad Gunj..
@Bangaali : Stop wearing half a kilo jewellery and eating half a kilo fish everyday. One Bappi is enuf
@UP: This election, you have made it clear that u will not see Progress or Congress, Learn to vote..
@Goans : You folks should stop acting like you are COOL. coz that makes u look like a FOOL.. Don't wear some lame banians showing off ur wierdo tattoos of Christiano Ronaldo.. We understand that the Portugese screwed u for longer than the British screwed the rest of India.. But then, get over it .
@Punjabi &Chandigarhvi : First of all, I gotta admit that I have a thing for ur chicks.. Tashan mein, no other place can beat the chicks here.. But as they say beauty*brains is a constant. The chicks here are the stupidest possible. One instance at a bus stand in Chandigarh
Poor kid : Madam, Pocket Calculator lelo..
Smoking hot chandigarh chick : Mujhe nahin chahiye.. mujhe pata hai mere paas kitne pockets hain..
Poor kid : WTF????
@Rest of India : You gotta stop going to the MTV and Channel V shows and embarassing yourself
This is it...TIME to get SERIOUS in life..
1. Creating Anil Kapoor sweaters : No, NO.. he is not the brand amabassador or fiat or Innova.. He is the raw material..:) Instead of using goat hair, We are going to use his chest hair to make sweaters.. For all those who are not aware of the extensive market research we have done....
- Almost 10,000 bald men undergo the weaving process and AK is the only source...
- His chest hair is said to account for 80% of his body weight.
- Ok, this might be gross.. But, Sonam kapoor needs to wax every hour.. roflmao..
People just keep crying for more than half the episode in all her serials. So we have come up with a small power generation plant which will be kept in every woman's mouth. (1 teer do nishaan). The power plant in their mouths will ensure that they shut the fuck up and spare the human kind of the drastic disaster. For the way they cry, we believe we can generate around 10% of India's total power requirement.
3. Teaching Indian women to drive / ride.
This is the most lucrative business. There are around 57 crore women in India of which 15 crore are said to have access to a vehicle. Our market research has shown that all driving classes have failed to teach the womankind to drive. So we thought we will approach the problem in the tried and tested MAHABHARAT way.(We tried to replicate something like.... Abhimanyu learning to fight when his Mom was pregnant listening to Lord Krishna talk bout fighting etc).
We got an Indian lady married to Michael Schumacher in a car. She spent the next 6 months in the car with him. She got pregnant. She spent the next 9 months when the car was in motion. Everybody around talked about 'How to drive a CAR' and then she gave birth to Mike's daughter. Mike spent the next 20 years teaching his daughter to drive. At 20, we gave Mike's daughter a chance to drive. Mike's daughter just couldn't "DRIVE THE CAR"..
4. Training Indian men to stop staring at certain things..
Folks, one look and an appreciative gesture is justified. You can't just keep staring.. I mean what do you expect from them, GROW IN SIZE?? It just looks embarassing and Indian men got to stop doing this..
5. Social networking for the Stupid folks.. : All u baays and gaals out there who waants to do fraandsheep and romiances with each other.. here's a dedicated platform for you to show the world how LAME you are..
So, I have been travelling a lot and I am awestruck by the Indian diverse culture. But there are certian things I would like to tell you folks that will help you improve a lot. This might look like Russel Peters humor.. No Pun Intended.. I love my country and I am as much a South Indian as I am a North Indian.
My recommendations to the people of India :
@Kandus : Don't act like u r all pissed bout the floating population.. The weather has made u all LAZY and you are so freakin STUPID that the MNCs have to go elsewhere to recruit people..
@Mallus : You got to work on your accent lola kutties. You can't say I am gonna watch 'Condom of Shailesh' with my girlfriend and expect some1 not to freak out, even if u meant 'Quantum of Solace'
@Tams : You got to let the guys and girls interact at a very young age. Your chicks are too horny.
@Gult (Andhra) : Biriyani is not the only thing in this world. Stop eating spicy food. Go to Gujarat.
@Gujjus : Don't add sugar to everything.. Eating sugar doesn't make u sweet. It makes u fat and ugly.. You should change ur motto. 'Roti khake Potty Jaao, Potty jaake Roti khao' can't be it. You can't live to eat. You gotta eat to live.
@Bihari: Itne bachche paida karo ki ghar ghar jaisa lage, itne nahin ki ghar gaanv jaisa lage...
@Maharashtrians : Don't act like some1 raped ur wife when he says Bombay instead of Mumbai.
@Rajjus : Don't act all juvenile when some1 spills water on the table and start licking it. We understand that you were 15 when you first saw water, but there's enuf water outside.
@Haryanvi: Raat ko WALK karne niklo yaar, RAPE karne nahin..
@Dilli : Your chicks need to start putting on some clothes and stop behaving like they were all born in Pahaad Gunj..
@Bangaali : Stop wearing half a kilo jewellery and eating half a kilo fish everyday. One Bappi is enuf
@UP: This election, you have made it clear that u will not see Progress or Congress, Learn to vote..
@Goans : You folks should stop acting like you are COOL. coz that makes u look like a FOOL.. Don't wear some lame banians showing off ur wierdo tattoos of Christiano Ronaldo.. We understand that the Portugese screwed u for longer than the British screwed the rest of India.. But then, get over it .
@Punjabi &Chandigarhvi : First of all, I gotta admit that I have a thing for ur chicks.. Tashan mein, no other place can beat the chicks here.. But as they say beauty*brains is a constant. The chicks here are the stupidest possible. One instance at a bus stand in Chandigarh
Poor kid : Madam, Pocket Calculator lelo..
Smoking hot chandigarh chick : Mujhe nahin chahiye.. mujhe pata hai mere paas kitne pockets hain..
Poor kid : WTF????
@Rest of India : You gotta stop going to the MTV and Channel V shows and embarassing yourself
This is it...TIME to get SERIOUS in life..
Lol
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